The absence of you was so vast, so energetic…vibrating with unfinished sentences & unshed tears-stories waiting to be told. Prana.The prana of mourning.
And how we mourned. The wailing. The stoicism. 

I ran so far into myself that I forgot where I began.

It shouldn’t have surpised me then, when you reappeared.

Not you, but.. A you. 

Something formed in that vastness.

The pressure of our loving you,

The kinetic power of grief.

The movement in our collective stillness.

You came back to me.

Cottage cheese and canned pineapple…I’ll think of a story about ghosts…ducks swimming in a pond that appears and disappears with the rain…all the best things.

You came back to us.

A fly on the wall.

How did Jake find those old letters?

And mama’s got her humor back. She misses you every day.

We miss you everyday.
You used to say things to me. You used to say,

“I can’t see you darlin’, but the idea of you is just…beautiful”

These old eyes.

Cataracts and a magnifying glass. 

Those eyes were perfect, and in my soul, they still are.

Now that you have come back, your sentences are different.

You don’t use words, but you show me things.

I’ve learned as much from you in your death as I did in your life.

I don’t know…maybe the space you left when you left, left room for your lessons to take root…I am ever so grateful.

Now I know, that you could see me the whole time

Eyes are irrelevant

See me better than anyone.

What a blessing.

It is pouring down rain, and all the trees are dancing.

I can hear your laugh.

I’ve been heartsick Grandma, but when I hear your laugh it reminds me of

A tavern in the town…mayonnaise cake.  

Graham crackers with chocolate. 

 cottage cheese with canned pineapple

quilts and Peggy Lee. 

All the best things.  
And, if that is in fact “All There Is?” then it is, and will always be more and more than enough because

I’ll never stop seeing the marvel that is earth, finding the mythology in the mundane, blowing on dandelions,

 or loving everything. 

I’ll never stop learning from you 

(or A you).

I’ll never stop appreciating all the best things because…well, You were and are all the best things

And I am ever so grateful.